019. on silver linings, "and," and a million recommendations
2023 has been one hell of a fucking year.
It has reminded me of the Zora Neale Hurston quote, “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”
We’re only through August at this point, but starting in September, everything seems to speed up and suddenly it’s December and then somehow, it’s 2024.
But right now, it’s still August, at least for a minute.
And even though it’s only August, this year has been one of endless questions.
Much of it has been necessary, a long overdue reckoning of my own making. A combination of years of burnout, dissatisfaction, and uncertainty, set aflame by a toxic situation and a delicate health condition I still haven’t been able to fully manage, leading to a re-evaluation of nearly everything I’ve ever believed in.
2023 has left me sorting through the wreckage and figuring out what to rebuild. Last year was a year of answers, of finishing a long-dreamed-of degree and marrying the love of my life. It was the best of times, my most fulfilling year yet.
This year hasn’t been as gentle or kind. But I don’t want to write out a list of complaints, and I also know I lack the clarity to look back on the last eight months objectively. Perhaps the key takeaway is that 2023 has taught me the importance of the word “and.” Which is to say, it can be the hardest year I’ve ever had, AND it has had so many beautiful moments that I will cherish forever. Or I can listen to The Ramones AND Taylor Swift, or I can read romance AND non-fiction. Both things can be true, even if they seemingly cancel each other out. We all contain multitudes, etc.
So, some highlights, because fuck a year that thinks it can exist without some silver linings: adopting our beloved Macaroni. Seeing Taylor motherfucking Swift (!) after scoring (affordable!!!!) tickets a week before the show. Reading non-stop and discovering new favorites. Working my way through The Artist’s Way and journaling three full pages a day. Finally taking a well-needed social media break. Rewatching The Good Wife. Making space for reading poetry. Seeing several of my friends become mothers on their own terms, and seeing friends decide not to have kids on their own terms. Seeing Beauty and the Beast (1991) in theaters. Watching people I love succeed at the careers they’re passionate about. Barbenheimer. Rediscovering a love of farmer’s markets. Learning how to express my sense of style in my body as it is. Indulging my creative impulses. Cooking more. Taking on new and difficult baking challenges.
I don’t know what the next four months will bring. I’m sure there will be more questions, more re-examinations, more hurdles. But I’m also certain that things will be okay, and that’s enough for now.
READING
I’ve officially switched over from Goodreads to Storygraph, in case anyone wants to follow me there!
I really enjoyed Weyward and The London Séance Society, which were sort of tonally similar? They’d make for cozy autumn reads (tw: abuse, sexual assault for both)
Finally read The Fourth Wing and would recommend if you’re looking for something that hits that Hunger Games/Divergent sweet spot (warning, it does get preeeetty spicy)
LOVED The Seven Year Slip, perhaps my favorite romance this year so far??
Also really enjoyed Happy Place, which I think a lot of BookTokers found divisive. But if you’re looking for a book that captures the feeling of growing apart from college/childhood friends and how those relationships change as you grow up…it’s a goddamn delight
You Could Make This Place Beautiful stunned me, made me cry, and made me re-examine how I approach writing and storytelling. Loved it.
The Sterile World of Infinite Choice - “When everything is available, all knowledge, all information, all entertainment ….nothing is perceived as valuable.”
‘Disney Lorcana’ aims to shake up the trading card game space (Yes, we’ve fallen down this rabbit hole and yes, it’s the most fun we’ve had with a new game in a long time)
WATCHING
The Good Wife continues to be one of the best network dramas ever written, full stop. I’ve only watched the first season and a half of Suits (like, two years ago), but if you’re looking for an excellent legal drama after your Netflix binge, The Good Wife (and the subsequent The Good Fight) are well worth your time
We’re towards the end of a How I Met Your Mother rewatch and while there are a lot of things that don’t age well (transphobia, fatphobia, casual racism, sexism, misogyny, and more!), I will say I have become incredibly emotionally invested to these characters in their thirties going through major life milestones and wondering where they’re headed (sound familiar?)
I started watching The Resident for the first time and I’m surprised by just how great it is (at least, three episodes in!)
EATING
Finally got my little paws on More Than Cake and have already made the pâte brísee for a galette (which, after much drama, was amazing), and I can’t wait to make the granola shortbread
This has been the summer of discovering how to make sandwiches I actually like - as a texture person, I’ve long found 99% of sandwiches inedible. But I’ve been experimenting and trying to find the perfect sandwich. My favorite so far has been: two slices of La Brea Bakery Italian Loaf, toasted, spread with TJ’s Vegan Pesto (+ salt) on one side and TJ’s Garlic Spread on the other, filled with (starting on the slice with the pesto) sliced heirloom tomato (bonus points if drained + seasoned with salt and MSG), sliced sharp cheddar (preferably white), cucumber sliced thinly, and a smashed avocado on the garlic side. This is very niche and very specific and look, this is what happens when I have free time, okay?
Went with some friends to Agnes in Pasadena and LOVED IT. I can’t wait to go back and try a million more things (and also spend too much money at their cheese counter).
LISTENING
I’ve been working my way through No Dogs in Space’s season on The Ramones, a reminder of the music I loved so much growing up
Cue the nostalgia: lots of The Ramones and The Clash on loop lately
MONTHLY NOODLES
There hasn’t been a newsletter in a long time so apologies for those who don’t follow me on social elsewhere, but we adopted a second cat, Macaroni! Mac is super shy when you first meet him, but he’s got such a big personality - he’s loud and opinionated. He loves us almost as much as he loves food (which is… a lot). He loves to play, especially with Ravioli (which she mostly tolerates). We are so happy we found him! And a reminder that if you’re considering adopting a kitty, there are so many in need of a good home - check out GeeKitties and the Burbank Animal Shelter.
til next time, friends.
xoxo