Once upon a time, in the era before the pandemic, I used to work a boring desk job at a Big Corporation(TM) where one of the many things I did was write a weekly newsletter, focused on Diversity & Inclusion. And it was, without a doubt, my favorite part of my job - a low bar, but at least there was one aspect to my job that I felt truly invested in.
It has been roughly two months since I was laid off (global pandemics + tourism related businesses = bad news bears), and I’ve never been happier. I don’t miss my job, at all, which is both surprising and unsurprising. Surprising in that I’m someone who craves some sort of stability and routine, and I had some fantastic friends there. But unsurprising because I knew that wasn’t where I was meant to be, and I had been looking for a way to leave (responsibly) for years. Instead, the universe just kind of did it for me, once I started putting other things in motion (i.e. I started grad school last fall). And let’s be real honest: going back to school has been the best thing I could ever done for myself. Hitting the reset button on my life in the midst of this chaos has been weird, but also wonderful.
But, I do miss writing that newsletter. And so, maybe foolishly, considering my workload this semester, I thought it would be nice to bring it back - or at least, a version of it back.
I like being able to share articles that move me, recipes that inspire me, and thoughts that…well, exist, I guess. Especially during this pandemic, it’s so hard to find ways to feel connected. Zooms are exhausting. Texting is intentional, almost too much so - you don’t talk to someone unless you’re explicitly thinking about them. But what about a newsletter from a friend that pops in every now and again? Low commitment, low stakes. I find that newsletters are often my favorite emails to get, a little bit of someone’s thoughts to carry me through the day. They’re the water cooler conversations I don’t really get to have anymore. A silver lining to these weird times, if you will. So: welcome!
READING
It is incredibly hard to put into words the experience of being an immigrant kid, so you can imagine how blown away I was by “Waking Up From The American Dream” in The New Yorker. The line I can’t stop thinking about: “That is the pact between immigrants and their children in America: they give us a better life, and we spend the rest of that life figuring out how much of our flesh will pay off the debt.” (I should probably to talk to my therapist about this - oof.)
A blogger I follow shared an old Dear Sugar column that hit home (it’s also in Tiny Beautiful Things, which is one of my favorite books) - “The Ghost Ship That Didn’t Carry Us.” It focuses on making decisions, and the feeling of “what if.” Having to make a decision about grad school in the midst of a global pandemic was incredibly difficult, not least of which because there was (is?) no end in sight. I got in to the Dramatic Writing program at Tisch, which blew my mind (it still does, honestly), and I really, really wanted to move to New York. But it wasn’t the right time to take on that NYU-debt (…is it ever?), or move to a smaller apartment (when we’d likely get stuck in it), or go somewhere where we didn’t have any family close by, or move somewhere to study theater when the entire industry is shut down…I could go on. But even though it was the right decision, it doesn’t mean that it was easy. Truly: I’m SO happy with CSUN’s program I could cry. I love it so much, and it has made my life immeasurably better. But it doesn’t stop me from occasionally wondering “what if?” especially when random movies or tv shows are set in New York. But re-reading this was a good way to frame it:
“If I could go back in time I’d make the same choice in a snap. And yet, there remains my sister life. All the other things I could have done instead. I wouldn’t know what I couldn’t know until I became a mom, and so I’m certain there are things I don’t know because I can’t know because I did…I’ll never know and neither will you of the life you don’t choose. We’ll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn’t carry us. There’s nothing to do but salute it from the shore.”
Had to read the 30 Rock pilot for class and spent some time thinking about how Tina Fey talks about race in her writing. Spoiler alert: it’s not great! If you’d like a primer on your problematic fave, this is a good place to start.
Because this is my first issue (!!!!!), I feel the need to share some of my favorite newsletters with y’all: #5SmartReads, Maybe Baby, NEED, The Nerdletter, Craft Talk, and The Latinx Files, among others. Do you have faves I should add to my rotation? Send ‘em my way!
EATING
This one-pan orzo from New York Times Cooking is my current fave. I love that it’s easy to substitute with whatever you have in the fridge, and it always comes out amazing - just make sure you add the spinach at the end with the herbs. (Also, for those like me without a NYTCooking subscription, you can access it for free via the Los Angeles Public Library. Hurray for public services!)
I’m still obsessed with Claire Saffitz’s Dessert Person cookbook, and her poppy seed almond cake is outstanding. Like… I don’t need to have a full cake in my house (…again) but it’s SO GODDAMN GOOD. Fuck. Now I want cake.
This week, I’m making some recipes from Abra Berens’ Ruffage: A Practical Guide to Eating Vegetables. We’re making roasted cauliflower with kale, lemon, and parm, and some spinach & garlic pasta.
LISTENING
“Anything for Selena” is a great new podcast that’s more about identity than Selena, but I love it. And it’s available in both English and Spanish, which is fantastic. For those of us Selena fans who were disappointed by the new Netflix show, this helps fill the void.
I’m one of the many who discovered Jensen McRae recently and yes, I’m obsessed, more please.
I’m still obsessed with Taylor Swift’s folklore + evermore (do we need to a deeper dive on how 2020 was the year I came out as a Swiftie?? probs) but I feel the need for new tunes - any recommendations?
WATCHING
I have told anyone willing to listen but you MUST (must!!!!) check out In & Of Itself on Hulu. Directed by Frank Oz and written/created by the brilliant Derek Delgaudio, it’s perhaps the most moving and significant piece of theater I’ve ever seen. And y’all know I have watched a LOT of theater in my day. It’s a magic show, but it’s also so much more. I saw it in 2016 (I had tickets the week I ended up getting surprise emergency surgery and I still went because I couldn’t miss it) and have been thinking about it ever since. I don’t know what else to say without spoiling it, but do yourself a favor and watch it.
Also for my magic fans, I also highly recommend Helder Guimarães’s “The Future,” which is currently being put on by The Geffen. It’s an at-home magic show and it’s a great way to spend one of our many, many nights in. Tickets are not super cheap but they are per household, and currently available on Goldstar.
Locked Down on HBOMax was the best pandemic play I’ve seen, except that it was sold as a heist film and people will inherently dislike things that have been mis-marketed. If you’re feeling the pandemic fatigue blues particularly hard, now is not the time to watch, but when you do get around to watching it, it’s a story about love in the time of Covid and I thought it was beautiful.
That’ll do it for today - thank you for reading, friends! I miss you all more than you know. More soon, I hope.
xo,
Drea
P.S. Here is a Ravioli for making it to the end of this: